Earth, Wind, Fire and Steel. And so it goes.

•December 31, 2007 • 6 Comments

As the fireworks crackled around us, we could see sparks lighting up the quiet night. It seems those fireworks were specially put up for that special night, filled with an array of many emotions, clustering up and letting it out with a burst. We ended our night’s yumcha session all sitting on the road with a cigarette in hand. As I gazed at the stars, the peace and serenity of Taiping hit me. We were somewhat far off from the main township, around 20km up north of the town. It was a good day. A chat at the riverside. Lunch with mum. A drive home with great music. And all’s well that ends well they say. It’s Merwin’s last night here in Taiping. No posh places. No course dinner. No women. Sad but some memories and experiences cannot be bought just by money alone.

The past month has been spent rather meaningfully. Merwin has been an ultimate friend, brother and bosom buddy for the past month. In turn, many things I shall choose not to write, for so many things cannot be put into words. It has been a fruitful one month here. Merwin, I wish you all the best in all future undertakings, and I shall always be there looking out for you.

And so it seems how quickly another year whizzes by. Explosions, eruptions and its effects have crowded my daily life. Looking back at the past one year, I shall have to admit the ferocity of how life has taken its toll on me. Not in a bad way, but in a… meaningful way. It has been an eventful year. A year of new beginnings, endings, growth and death. We shall never predict what life can bring for us. This is what i have learnt throughout my days of reflection. Every year brings new hopes, trials and turbulence. I for one, hope for peace and tranquillity in every situation.

And so, shall i post a few happenings that I can remember reminiscent of the year 2007.

1: New roommate, Ben in KL. Fruitful year with this great guy. Comfortable and happy times considering the messy changes of 2 roomates for my KL house in the year 2006.

2: First successful public speech. Suriya, Avi, Trevor and yours truly took the stage for Public Speaking class giving a one off ultimate presentation

3: HP towers closed down. The regular overpriced lepak place of ADP-ians finally met its maker, forcing us to the mamak stalls.

4. Ending of a long ardours relationship. Lessons learnt. Patience tried. Never to happen again.

5. met with two wonderful people, having had my three last months in KL an extremely fruitful one

6. Stayed up Bukit Larut at my hometown for the very first time. 4500 feet in the air. Sub 15 degree temperatures and painful frostbites, or at least, awful bone aches.

7. had my hair cut by amazing professional hairstylists, for no cost at all. Ah Chern, I owe you a lot.

8. Im still single after 7 months.

9. Had a piercing, after 2 long years of closed ears. Finally getting one done. Happy with its look on me.

10. finally drove to KL with my MYVI. 300km, 2 hours 15 mins and a very stressed-out 1.3 litre engine.

11. Completed my college studies in HELP.

12. got an amazing new desktop, credits to my parents $$ and Dell’s expertise in making comps.

There is more to continue. Anyway, stay tuned for the next posty of RESOLUTIONS. My aspirations, hopes and wants for myself, others and the world. All this in my next post =D



Sunset off my window pane… some of the final sunsets of 2007



Items of legends. Earth, wind, fire and steel




2 Zippos. The name in its flame. A story to tell.



It’s a Late Goodbye

•December 30, 2007 • Leave a Comment


Late Goodbye, Poets of The Fall (Max Payne 2 OST)


in our headlights, staring, bleak, beer cans, deer’s eyes
on the asphalt underneath, our crushed plans and my lies
lonely street signs, powerlines, they keep on flashing, flashing by

and we keep driving into the night
it’s a late goodbye, such a late goodbye
and we keep driving into the night
it’s a late goodbye

your breath hot upon my cheeck, and we crossed, that line
you made me strong when I was feeling weak, and we crossed, that one time
screaming stop signs, staring wild eyes, keep on flashing, flashing by

and we keep driving into the night
it’s a late goodbye, such a late goodbye
and we keep driving into the night
it’s a late goodbye

the devil grins from ear to ear when he sees the hand he’s dealt us
points at your flaming hair, and then we’re playing hide and seek
I can’t breathe easy here, less our trail’s gone cold behind us
till’ in the john mirror you stare at yourself grown old and weak

and we keep driving into the night
it’s a late goodbye, such a late goodbye…

I love this song… beats me, but the lyrics give strength and courage. I’ll embed it in.. let the song speak for itself. Enjoy~

We were merely freshmen.

•December 24, 2007 • 2 Comments

It’s back to the writing board of my long abandoned blog. I have obviously been very very…very lazy to update any part of this blog. The initial enthusiasms of blogging seems to have taken its toll and given up on me soon enough. Yes and I have been so called decivilizing in my little Taiping town for over a month now. Taiping isn’t so bad after all. Its peaceful, nice and well.. Cheap.

I have taken this short period of time to reflect and re-enact myself, realizing how much life has caught up on me. Looking back on all these, nothing seems to be of real good times. Thinking back on my memories, on these past two years at least, so many things have happened. I started college life, made a whole new bunch of friends but only kept a handful of trusty ones, cherished many but yet loved a few. Events and happenings, daily ranting, all recorded and thrown in my book of eternal memories. Most of these I can’t bother. I certainly do have to say, I have grown up a lot. I certainly too, do not mean I have grown up and I know it all. I merely mention a tinge of growth in my life.

Many things have changed, yet a handful of things unchanged. My life still revolves around a few good folks here and there, not forgetting the times I have spent with so many others along the line. My time in Taiping has been well spent I would say. For a month now, there has been a daily routine going on. Since i came4 back to taiping, it has always been the quiet serene town life. What do you expect. A small town and no urban entertainment? One must always find certain ways to rejuvenate himself. I recently met up with a few good lepak buddies I call brothers. And yes, they are my true brothers. If anyone has been following my blog, I have mentioned these two names often. Ah Chern and Rae, two very important people in my life. My bosom buddies here in Taiping have been there for me and have never let me down once. Merwin and Fawwaz meet me on a daily basis to have a good time. My routine is: 10am rise and shine. 11am pick Merwin and Fawwaz. Get them to yumcha. Come back at 6. Get dinner, and go out again at night. It was wonderful to think of it, having great times and the jokes, outings and even sharing food together.

I am blessed with these “brothers”. I have learnt a lot, enjoyed myself and too, learn how to give and take. It’s the simple lifestyle of good faith. Other recent happenings shall i record here. Happenings such as my recent Langkawi trip. A group of ADP students from my department decided to make a trip down to Langkawi. I guess there wasn’t much excitement except the drinking part and yeah. A small issue of me being a sort of misfit. I guess I wasn’t much of being in the “in” crowd. But no matter what, it was a good an enjoyable trip on the whole, with most of the peeps drunk silly in the night, stoned on perpetual cigarette smoking and a whole lot of us being really tired. I came back two days ago from meeting Rae in Penang. Merwin, Kee Wei and Fawwaz got a chance to meet this all time wonderful gal. I noticed too how much I actually missed her. It has been a long time and i wish I had more time with her. Short but sweet, quality not quantity and three hours made me miss herm ore. Still.. life.. is all about meeting and leaving.

I shall keep this post short and. Here are some posts of a few pictures of fawwaz, merwin, kee wei and me near a freshwater stream this afternoon plus a few pics of penang.

P.s. my phone tells its story on how it went into water, survived, and still worked after all. Its testimony brings joy to all with the proof of its survival by these humble photos it took even after the dip. My zippo swam too. Thanks fawwaz. For dipping it with your slip into the water =) ha-ha… no matter what, it remains a general. It survived drowning too. To all peeps out there. A MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS and A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR =) Enjoy this year’s holidays with bliss and joy! ~





The 19th: A walk to remember; eternal memories of light and waves.

•November 2, 2007 • 1 Comment

Yes. This overdue post was supposed to be up here like a week ago. Its sad to know how time actually flies. Nostalgic memories of good times stay frozen in the mind, forever living in the depths of our hearts. These memories shall never fade no matter how long time eats us by. Slip, the memories might, but our minds rekindle these thoughts again and again. It leaves a smile on my face every time it back to me.

Yes and greetings my fellow creatures that roam the land. I would not want to start some speech and put all of you asleep but oh well, this post shall be about my 19th birthday. I have been on this planet for 19 long years. Unless you are some uncle who has lived here for centuries and swear 19 years is a short time, I would very well want to believe that 19 years can be considered lengthy. The past 19 years have seen much. Malaysia had it’s tallest building, Saddam Hussien apparently killed, more people live and die, the retirement of prime ministers and big malls shooting up into the sky. Ultimately, I have lived through all these. Tell me its short.

Nah. As many people would expect, or maybe not, I shall henceforth thank a few individuals who made my birthday such a memorable day. I have a damn bloody short memory span and yeah, so just in case I missed out on names which I probably would, don’t think I’m some ungrateful fucker, and forgive me for all wishes are very much appreciated.

Many thanks to :

All college mates : My HELP-ians have been extremely extremely generous with wishes and I love all of them. Your pouring SMS and MSN wishes lighten up every second.

Friendster buddies : To all friendster buddies. I might know all of you not but thank you for those cute forwarded messages. Thanks for taking the effort to send me those testi’s and messages. It meant so much. I apologize for not replying to most for my time seriously had its constrains.

To my old friends from Taiping : though I have left town for over a year, my birthday has always been remembered. Thanks and you guys would always be remembered too. Love ya’ll.

To the people who set my birthday on a memorable fire : You know who you are. Love y’all to death. NOBODY can replace ya. hugs.

Okay so here’s how it went. It was just another normal day. Nothing so very special or so ultra spectacular. But it was the joy of having my best friends celebrating my birthday. Its gonna be an irony for this post shall actually end here.

Continue reading ‘The 19th: A walk to remember; eternal memories of light and waves.’

Of serenading serum’s and mockingbirds.

•October 31, 2007 • Leave a Comment


I have to admit, a few months ago, I was branded emo. Just in case ya guys are retards and don’t know what the hell emo is, Emo is emotional. For those who know or knew, yeah. Okay so here’s the deal. Some think its cool. Most follow the crowd. Some are truly depressed and decide that being emo feeds their emotions well. And then, they go with slick hair. Swiped to a side covering the eye. With pitiful pathetic expressions. Pathetic individuals. Now I know.

Look. Emo is rubbish. Seriously. We live on this earth with no smooth road. Unless you’re an angel or something. I realized recently that nobody wants to be unhappy. Its this simple.We all want to be happy. We strive in every single way or manner to seek happiness, seek joy and riches in order to make our life better. Why, why in the name of God would we went to try to depress and degrade ourselves into some pathetic depressing fuckers who look at life in some sad sad way. Hey peeps..wake up kays? haha… I just did. Being emo is pathetic.

Check out this clip to insult em’ emo’s. Ohhh~ yea~

Smothering vines.

•October 30, 2007 • Leave a Comment

And then, I said. Again then again yet again. I said thank you. Thank you both for all. i love you guys. But I don’t mind for it was one and yes, one of the greatest days of my life. I shall be telling the legendary story of how my two very best buddies actually gave me the best birthday present I could ever receive. But before I start ranting on my emo birthday and all, (next post) I want to tell a little story.

A story about my day today. And yes. It wasn’t a very good day to start with. I have to remind all of you that two names shall be constantly revealed again and yet again here on these many posts. Haha. Please, dudes and dudesses I respect, have no misdemeanor for I have little friends and it happens that I spend most of my slow moving life with them so yes. Rachel Chong and Melinda. Two important people. Actually extremely important. I shall mention them yet again in the next post shortly after this. Which reminds me that I fell kinda sick two days ago after a grueling duel with Dell Inspiron, the desktop with Vista steroids and an unstable mind which caused me to install lots and lots of “taming” programmes into it.

Oh yeah. Haha.. okay that was really bloody damn dumbo lame. Yeah. Im down with the common influenza more commonly known as flu. Here is the irony. Im a late sleeper but I actually fell “dead yesterday at about 9pm. Amazing business. I was so so so dead tired.

Still it is supposedly claimed that spending too much time on electronic devices can have hazardous effects on health. To what extend the this statement is true is not my concern, but I seriously believe it has affected me somehow..for someone like me, you might think ” Oh no, Nat’s turning paranoid. He’s gonna be some freak”, but nah..its just a speculation coz I spent serious multiple hours on the lifeless monitor. And no kidding. It caused me a relapse of my old attitude. Something awful. Mood swings and temper’s blazing for no apparent reason. Either its my disorientation from the long hours spent on the computer, or just my inner kept anger or something in my food.. sigh..Oh well. I seriously don’t know why.

Events in a day can be harsh and hard. Life is never and easy road and we all know it really bloody well. Somehow, the day did not end bad. I had a full day with Melinda and we had a good chat but then and then again, deeper waters lie beneath my still image. It all starts with this event. I have been trying to change lately. A change for the better. To be a celebrated individual. To be the one people would adore. Well yeah many adore me but then still, I feel dissatisfied with myself. I feel upset. Melinda is a positive thinker and she told me about the roots of my problem.

Low self esteem and I lately have been undergoing some self-reexamination and self-checking to look up on where I have gone wrong. I spend most of my life in the shadows of the dark, in great lows and always believed I lag behind others who seem to have a better foothold of themselves in every single aspect of life. These, strong but fateful elements bring my confidence down a lot. And so, as I was mentioning, I have been going through this so-called re operation and reformatting of my mind. It seems to have worked. But suddenly today, I had this bad mood swing thing. Hell knows why. I started pissing off people, and me feeling equally pissed at almost everything started yelling off at friends on MSN. I regret my actions but I seriously do feel somethings amiss.

Ironically, I am a pretender in life. Trying to be good and nice to everybody. Its a nature by its own for me to act and live well but then, these things cause dissatisfaction as in I do not get the same returns. i never ever get to be the celebrated one. I’m forever forgotten, at least in most times where I would never be the first thought. I would never be waited in a crowd, if I were to pause. Nobody would ask hey where is nat. Or whenever I make some joke, it would be branded lame. Or given an ugly look. Just maybe. Okay call me sensitive fucking idiot. How would you feel if you thought you did something well, believed in that thought for a long time till someone comes up to you and says hey, its actually not good. Its clearly shown on the face. Maybe I’m just not outstanding enough or what. Lemmie tell you this. Me writing this post is not to whine my ass away. Its just how I see things in life.

I never actually get to have a medal in my hand saying ” hey i have a fan base now”. i try so hard trying to please or do things which might please. Do things which yeah, make people find me appealing. Why do I never get it at all?? Most people who never try get all the luck and attention. I try hard and never harder before. I get nothing. And I mean it. I count my blessings.Trust me I hold dear to all of them coz it only gets less, not more.They get taken away from me one by one. I’m tired of this. I mean I know life is all about positive thinking and.. trying to gain..confidence and all..and when that happens all works. I just want to be myself. I just want to be who I am. I just want to be liked for what I am. I feel better. Full stop. Rants and weariness away. For those who read this and understood me, thanks. For those who did not. Thanks.. for nothing.

And then, later that night..

•October 23, 2007 • Leave a Comment

Blog under construction. My mind is too. Posts will be up shortly. Be thrilled. It’s gonna be good. Trust me. Oh yea. =D