The past month has been spent rather meaningfully. Merwin has been an ultimate friend, brother and bosom buddy for the past month. In turn, many things I shall choose not to write, for so many things cannot be put into words. It has been a fruitful one month here. Merwin, I wish you all the best in all future undertakings, and I shall always be there looking out for you.

And so it seems how quickly another year whizzes by. Explosions, eruptions and its effects have crowded my daily life. Looking back at the past one year, I shall have to admit the ferocity of how life has taken its toll on me. Not in a bad way, but in a… meaningful way. It has been an eventful year. A year of new beginnings, endings, growth and death. We shall never predict what life can bring for us. This is what i have learnt throughout my days of reflection. Every year brings new hopes, trials and turbulence. I for one, hope for peace and tranquillity in every situation.

And so, shall i post a few happenings that I can remember reminiscent of the year 2007.

1: New roommate, Ben in KL. Fruitful year with this great guy. Comfortable and happy times considering the messy changes of 2 roomates for my KL house in the year 2006.

2: First successful public speech. Suriya, Avi, Trevor and yours truly took the stage for Public Speaking class giving a one off ultimate presentation

3: HP towers closed down. The regular overpriced lepak place of ADP-ians finally met its maker, forcing us to the mamak stalls.

4. Ending of a long ardours relationship. Lessons learnt. Patience tried. Never to happen again.

5. met with two wonderful people, having had my three last months in KL an extremely fruitful one

6. Stayed up Bukit Larut at my hometown for the very first time. 4500 feet in the air. Sub 15 degree temperatures and painful frostbites, or at least, awful bone aches.

7. had my hair cut by amazing professional hairstylists, for no cost at all. Ah Chern, I owe you a lot.

8. Im still single after 7 months.

9. Had a piercing, after 2 long years of closed ears. Finally getting one done. Happy with its look on me.

10. finally drove to KL with my MYVI. 300km, 2 hours 15 mins and a very stressed-out 1.3 litre engine.

11. Completed my college studies in HELP.

12. got an amazing new desktop, credits to my parents $$ and Dell’s expertise in making comps.

There is more to continue. Anyway, stay tuned for the next posty of RESOLUTIONS. My aspirations, hopes and wants for myself, others and the world. All this in my next post =D

Sunset off my window pane… some of the final sunsets of 2007

Items of legends. Earth, wind, fire and steel

2 Zippos. The name in its flame. A story to tell.

Late Goodbye, Poets of The Fall (Max Payne 2 OST)

in our headlights, staring, bleak, beer cans, deer’s eyes
on the asphalt underneath, our crushed plans and my lies
lonely street signs, powerlines, they keep on flashing, flashing by

and we keep driving into the night
it’s a late goodbye, such a late goodbye
and we keep driving into the night
it’s a late goodbye

your breath hot upon my cheeck, and we crossed, that line
you made me strong when I was feeling weak, and we crossed, that one time
screaming stop signs, staring wild eyes, keep on flashing, flashing by

and we keep driving into the night
it’s a late goodbye, such a late goodbye
and we keep driving into the night
it’s a late goodbye

the devil grins from ear to ear when he sees the hand he’s dealt us
points at your flaming hair, and then we’re playing hide and seek
I can’t breathe easy here, less our trail’s gone cold behind us
till’ in the john mirror you stare at yourself grown old and weak

and we keep driving into the night
it’s a late goodbye, such a late goodbye…

I love this song… beats me, but the lyrics give strength and courage. I’ll embed it in.. let the song speak for itself. Enjoy~

I have taken this short period of time to reflect and re-enact myself, realizing how much life has caught up on me. Looking back on all these, nothing seems to be of real good times. Thinking back on my memories, on these past two years at least, so many things have happened. I started college life, made a whole new bunch of friends but only kept a handful of trusty ones, cherished many but yet loved a few. Events and happenings, daily ranting, all recorded and thrown in my book of eternal memories. Most of these I can’t bother. I certainly do have to say, I have grown up a lot. I certainly too, do not mean I have grown up and I know it all. I merely mention a tinge of growth in my life.

Many things have changed, yet a handful of things unchanged. My life still revolves around a few good folks here and there, not forgetting the times I have spent with so many others along the line. My time in Taiping has been well spent I would say. For a month now, there has been a daily routine going on. Since i came4 back to taiping, it has always been the quiet serene town life. What do you expect. A small town and no urban entertainment? One must always find certain ways to rejuvenate himself. I recently met up with a few good lepak buddies I call brothers. And yes, they are my true brothers. If anyone has been following my blog, I have mentioned these two names often. Ah Chern and Rae, two very important people in my life. My bosom buddies here in Taiping have been there for me and have never let me down once. Merwin and Fawwaz meet me on a daily basis to have a good time. My routine is: 10am rise and shine. 11am pick Merwin and Fawwaz. Get them to yumcha. Come back at 6. Get dinner, and go out again at night. It was wonderful to think of it, having great times and the jokes, outings and even sharing food together.

I am blessed with these “brothers”. I have learnt a lot, enjoyed myself and too, learn how to give and take. It’s the simple lifestyle of good faith. Other recent happenings shall i record here. Happenings such as my recent Langkawi trip. A group of ADP students from my department decided to make a trip down to Langkawi. I guess there wasn’t much excitement except the drinking part and yeah. A small issue of me being a sort of misfit. I guess I wasn’t much of being in the “in” crowd. But no matter what, it was a good an enjoyable trip on the whole, with most of the peeps drunk silly in the night, stoned on perpetual cigarette smoking and a whole lot of us being really tired. I came back two days ago from meeting Rae in Penang. Merwin, Kee Wei and Fawwaz got a chance to meet this all time wonderful gal. I noticed too how much I actually missed her. It has been a long time and i wish I had more time with her. Short but sweet, quality not quantity and three hours made me miss herm ore. Still.. life.. is all about meeting and leaving.

I shall keep this post short and. Here are some posts of a few pictures of fawwaz, merwin, kee wei and me near a freshwater stream this afternoon plus a few pics of penang.

P.s. my phone tells its story on how it went into water, survived, and still worked after all. Its testimony brings joy to all with the proof of its survival by these humble photos it took even after the dip. My zippo swam too. Thanks fawwaz. For dipping it with your slip into the water =) ha-ha… no matter what, it remains a general. It survived drowning too. To all peeps out there. A MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS and A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR =) Enjoy this year’s holidays with bliss and joy! ~

Yes and greetings my fellow creatures that roam the land. I would not want to start some speech and put all of you asleep but oh well, this post shall be about my 19th birthday. I have been on this planet for 19 long years. Unless you are some uncle who has lived here for centuries and swear 19 years is a short time, I would very well want to believe that 19 years can be considered lengthy. The past 19 years have seen much. Malaysia had it’s tallest building, Saddam Hussien apparently killed, more people live and die, the retirement of prime ministers and big malls shooting up into the sky. Ultimately, I have lived through all these. Tell me its short.

Nah. As many people would expect, or maybe not, I shall henceforth thank a few individuals who made my birthday such a memorable day. I have a damn bloody short memory span and yeah, so just in case I missed out on names which I probably would, don’t think I’m some ungrateful fucker, and forgive me for all wishes are very much appreciated.

Many thanks to :

All college mates : My HELP-ians have been extremely extremely generous with wishes and I love all of them. Your pouring SMS and MSN wishes lighten up every second.

Friendster buddies : To all friendster buddies. I might know all of you not but thank you for those cute forwarded messages. Thanks for taking the effort to send me those testi’s and messages. It meant so much. I apologize for not replying to most for my time seriously had its constrains.

To my old friends from Taiping : though I have left town for over a year, my birthday has always been remembered. Thanks and you guys would always be remembered too. Love ya’ll.

To the people who set my birthday on a memorable fire : You know who you are. Love y’all to death. NOBODY can replace ya. hugs.

Okay so here’s how it went. It was just another normal day. Nothing so very special or so ultra spectacular. But it was the joy of having my best friends celebrating my birthday. Its gonna be an irony for this post shall actually end here.

Pictures spell a thousand words and thus, shall speak more than any word i could pen. These shall be my memories and I shall share them here :

The smile of a thousand sun’s she said. Me, the cake and the Zippo, a lovely gift for my 19th.

R.N.M : Rae, Nat, Mel. May we be friends to our deathbeds.

Its a flame that will never burn out. It shall be always filled. A sign of love and friendship.

The zippo and the lovely cake from Bakerzin.

These are my memories, but so much more really cant be explained by mere words. It is a memory. Thanks Ben for being there. But of all, thanks Chern, Rae for being there and making my birthday. A birthday that will stay in my heart always and forever. Thus, the eternal memory of light and waves.

I have to admit, a few months ago, I was branded emo. Just in case ya guys are retards and don’t know what the hell emo is, Emo is emotional. For those who know or knew, yeah. Okay so here’s the deal. Some think its cool. Most follow the crowd. Some are truly depressed and decide that being emo feeds their emotions well. And then, they go with slick hair. Swiped to a side covering the eye. With pitiful pathetic expressions. Pathetic individuals. Now I know.

Look. Emo is rubbish. Seriously. We live on this earth with no smooth road. Unless you’re an angel or something. I realized recently that nobody wants to be unhappy. Its this simple.We all want to be happy. We strive in every single way or manner to seek happiness, seek joy and riches in order to make our life better. Why, why in the name of God would we went to try to depress and degrade ourselves into some pathetic depressing fuckers who look at life in some sad sad way. Hey peeps..wake up kays? haha… I just did. Being emo is pathetic.

Check out this clip to insult em’ emo’s. Ohhh~ yea~

A story about my day today. And yes. It wasn’t a very good day to start with. I have to remind all of you that two names shall be constantly revealed again and yet again here on these many posts. Haha. Please, dudes and dudesses I respect, have no misdemeanor for I have little friends and it happens that I spend most of my slow moving life with them so yes. Rachel Chong and Melinda. Two important people. Actually extremely important. I shall mention them yet again in the next post shortly after this. Which reminds me that I fell kinda sick two days ago after a grueling duel with Dell Inspiron, the desktop with Vista steroids and an unstable mind which caused me to install lots and lots of “taming” programmes into it.

Oh yeah. Haha.. okay that was really bloody damn dumbo lame. Yeah. Im down with the common influenza more commonly known as flu. Here is the irony. Im a late sleeper but I actually fell “dead yesterday at about 9pm. Amazing business. I was so so so dead tired.

Still it is supposedly claimed that spending too much time on electronic devices can have hazardous effects on health. To what extend the this statement is true is not my concern, but I seriously believe it has affected me somehow..for someone like me, you might think ” Oh no, Nat’s turning paranoid. He’s gonna be some freak”, but nah..its just a speculation coz I spent serious multiple hours on the lifeless monitor. And no kidding. It caused me a relapse of my old attitude. Something awful. Mood swings and temper’s blazing for no apparent reason. Either its my disorientation from the long hours spent on the computer, or just my inner kept anger or something in my food.. sigh..Oh well. I seriously don’t know why.

Events in a day can be harsh and hard. Life is never and easy road and we all know it really bloody well. Somehow, the day did not end bad. I had a full day with Melinda and we had a good chat but then and then again, deeper waters lie beneath my still image. It all starts with this event. I have been trying to change lately. A change for the better. To be a celebrated individual. To be the one people would adore. Well yeah many adore me but then still, I feel dissatisfied with myself. I feel upset. Melinda is a positive thinker and she told me about the roots of my problem.

Low self esteem and I lately have been undergoing some self-reexamination and self-checking to look up on where I have gone wrong. I spend most of my life in the shadows of the dark, in great lows and always believed I lag behind others who seem to have a better foothold of themselves in every single aspect of life. These, strong but fateful elements bring my confidence down a lot. And so, as I was mentioning, I have been going through this so-called re operation and reformatting of my mind. It seems to have worked. But suddenly today, I had this bad mood swing thing. Hell knows why. I started pissing off people, and me feeling equally pissed at almost everything started yelling off at friends on MSN. I regret my actions but I seriously do feel somethings amiss.

Ironically, I am a pretender in life. Trying to be good and nice to everybody. Its a nature by its own for me to act and live well but then, these things cause dissatisfaction as in I do not get the same returns. i never ever get to be the celebrated one. I’m forever forgotten, at least in most times where I would never be the first thought. I would never be waited in a crowd, if I were to pause. Nobody would ask hey where is nat. Or whenever I make some joke, it would be branded lame. Or given an ugly look. Just maybe. Okay call me sensitive fucking idiot. How would you feel if you thought you did something well, believed in that thought for a long time till someone comes up to you and says hey, its actually not good. Its clearly shown on the face. Maybe I’m just not outstanding enough or what. Lemmie tell you this. Me writing this post is not to whine my ass away. Its just how I see things in life.

I never actually get to have a medal in my hand saying ” hey i have a fan base now”. i try so hard trying to please or do things which might please. Do things which yeah, make people find me appealing. Why do I never get it at all?? Most people who never try get all the luck and attention. I try hard and never harder before. I get nothing. And I mean it. I count my blessings.Trust me I hold dear to all of them coz it only gets less, not more.They get taken away from me one by one. I’m tired of this. I mean I know life is all about positive thinking and.. trying to gain..confidence and all..and when that happens all works. I just want to be myself. I just want to be who I am. I just want to be liked for what I am. I feel better. Full stop. Rants and weariness away. For those who read this and understood me, thanks. For those who did not. Thanks.. for nothing.

Fondly known as Rae, or the many other names a huamn can think of such as SEXY or PEIMIN ( her chinese name which also means “give face”), she celebrates her 19th birthday on the 20th of October. What an irony. She has been over mentioned in this blog but I shall post more about her simply because I am fond of her. A year has past and many has come through but nothing would break good old friendship and yes!!! It shall last till the end unless a twist of fate occurs ( okay I mentioned this line before) and I marry her. Okays. Next…

Howdy. Hope all ya guys doing great. I have not posted the photos which I promised Rae. Of my stately home in Taiping and more pictures of the black mining holes which miraculously turned into a park. Oh yeah.I promise I shall do that in my next post. Taiping friends, sorry for looking at more lake gardens. KL friends, hope ya guys get a lil look at the only attraction of Taiping. However,as a starter of more beautiful photos, here are two pictures of my humble abode. Rae, this is my little shag which i shelter in. Its home and I love my house. Of course =.=/ who wouldn’t?

It was pouring and I took this from my porch. Oh thats my trusty little ride. A modern bug =D

And this, a wonderful sunset after the rain on the very same day, from the similar position but different angle. I hope all of you guys agree with me, that Its hard to get these : fire (sunset) and water (wet floor) in a single photo blended together to make an orange wonder.What hues.. Enjoy =)

And yes. As I have mentioned in my earlier posts, I am not having a great week and I swear its one of the worst weeks cum weekend. Some things are best left unsaid. Anyway, I am supposed to be hunching on my laptop doing my redundant assignment but here I am writing to the wall.

To whoever who reads this, you are not walls. I repeat. Not walls k? Im just saying this in case nobody actually opens up my pathetic page to have an insider of my literature here. Haha. Dumb. Actually, the weekend wasn’t that bad. We ordered a new Dell today. Yeah.. I know. Finace finance. If only I was as rich as Tony Fernandez or whoever tycoon. Ohhhh yeahh..life is at its dullest point now. I need inspiration, not just another negotiation, like the song Way back into love.

Which reminds me of somebody. A certain creature named “S”. This very childish individual once pointed out somewhere indirectly that I build my pathetic life like the lyrics from emo songs. Wow. Just because I feel my life goes in that manner doesnt mean it really is like that. The individual said some very equally childish words and I, on the other hand shall be the bigger man and walk away. Ultimately, its nothing. Lets put it this way. If you’re not in my life. Shut the fuck up. Stop acting smart, coz nobody knows what its like.

On a lighter note, I was chatting with my all time good brother buddy Darus, and we had this conversation. Expletive but funny. We were chatting about the odds of me not having anybody to date. (That is true so if you think you want me please take me. Im just playing..haha).. it turned out like this:

獅子 says (12:54 AM):
don;t worry la
獅子 says (12:54 AM):
just go a random girl in HELP and ask her out
ϞαϯϖσяЌϨ™ •ои fяαίι ωІѝgѕ• says (12:55 AM):
ah haha go ahead la
ϞαϯϖσяЌϨ™ •ои fяαίι ωІѝgѕ• says (12:55 AM):
it would mostp robably work
獅子 says (12:56 AM):
no, i meant it for u
ϞαϯϖσяЌϨ™ •ои fяαίι ωІѝgѕ• says (12:56 AM):
ah haha
ϞαϯϖσяЌϨ™ •ои fяαίι ωІѝgѕ• says (12:56 AM):
me???
ϞαϯϖσяЌϨ™ •ои fяαίι ωІѝgѕ• says (12:56 AM):
if tht worked?
ϞαϯϖσяЌϨ™ •ои fяαίι ωІѝgѕ• says (12:56 AM):
i would have done it a long
ϞαϯϖσяЌϨ™ •ои fяαίι ωІѝgѕ• says (12:56 AM):
long
ϞαϯϖσяЌϨ™ •ои fяαίι ωІѝgѕ• says (12:56 AM):
long
ϞαϯϖσяЌϨ™ •ои fяαίι ωІѝgѕ• says (12:56 AM):
long
ϞαϯϖσяЌϨ™ •ои fяαίι ωІѝgѕ• says (12:56 AM):
time ago
獅子 says (12:57 AM):
yeah
獅子 says (12:57 AM):
or better yet
獅子 says (12:57 AM):
go to the middle of the corridor and drop your pants
獅子 says (12:57 AM):
that’ll cause an impact
ϞαϯϖσяЌϨ™ •ои fяαίι ωІѝgѕ• says (12:58 AM):
wow..yeah an impact so great my mum would have ot bail me out from the police station..or worse..

Yeah. What the heck..hahaha…

Anyway, here are two poems, or rather, some nonsense I created when I was really in the emo mood. Judge it kays guys? I know its not impressive and all but hey check it out k? I think its pretty good…

For the life of me, I cannot remember,

What made me think my mind was together,

Here is a story, few could understand,

Here is to those, who know where my soul stands,

The lion, the witch and the wizard they said,

The cuts, the blood and the knife I played,

Here go my toils of pain,

This, I worship, nothing plain,

The aimless pursuits of a hopeless child,

Amen to that, he shall know the wild,

Within the wilderness he searches,

But never did he find a bird that perches,

Till he saw light from the dark,

Beneath the twists lies a spark,

Don’t get me wrong, I just need some luck,

The luck that no normal man can ever tuck

Finding pleasure in pain,

Getting hurt inflicts him vain,

Sick love and hate,

The elements he now would date,

Death is verbose,

A god by its own,

And by its own, gives enlightenment,

Forms thus a throne

To the dark side that no man should pray,

Let death spread its beauty in gray..

I made this poem a long, long time ago. Its on my friendster, but jsut for the record, I shall post it up again… Ahh.. queer eye for the straight guy I would say. Here it is.. its about me..

Life is sometimes really hard to bring,
The trials and hardship all face,
This is the real craze,
A guy who has been loved, hated
Cheated, Mistreated,
Fallen, woken,
Pushed down, broken
A sensitive mind for the frail soul
A paper heart, bled till its so cold,
Don’t get me wrong,
For a being pathetic song,
Forever seen,
As an idiot thats been,
But they do not know, the person inside,
Just because, I do not prove it to sight,
Judged through stereotypes,
Constantly defamed through spiteful plights,
All I wanted, was a tint of affection,
A little succession,
I have always been in correction,
as if I am of probation,
Behind these hazel eyes,
Once again, torn till the heart cries,
What have I done,
Till I receive none,
But hate and pain,
So deep the heart dies in vain,
Do not get me wrong here,
For this is who I am my dear,
Just to let you know,
Been through thick and thin I will grow,
A small rhyme here I create,
Only to those who never harbor hate,
With kindness and patience,
I despise sarcasm and arrogance,
For I accept all views,
As God has taught me to be humble to all crews,
A little rant about me there,
I do hope you can all bear,
Just to let you know,
The real me I already show,
I do not hide,
Just to prove I am right,
Emotions are vital,
A focus of my inner cycle
To show the honesty,
Instead of blasphemy,
I want true friends,
Who share all trends,
The traditional quote,
Thick and thin together to be rode,
Like soul mates I want to share,
Your thoughts and dreams and despair,
For I will be there,
To show I really care,
This goes out, to a few of mine,
Who have thoughts that they have no crime,
Go as far as you can,
For I believe in a good world of sharing my can.
I am just a simple guy,
Sometimes I really cry,
All I want is some hope,
To know that life’s trials I can cope.
This is just me,
Thanks for reading,
And not..

I hope you enjoyed this, somehow in a morbid or dumb way, but no matter what, thanks for taking time to read this =) Comments.. por favor~..

The really amazing thing here is that no matter how coincidental it could be, I believe everything happens for a reason and this is no ordinary backyard festival. To keep this post shorter than the rest, I shall not be whining about any nonsensical stuff now. My precious and trusty notebook slave that has served me for two years finally gave its last breath. Its “doctor’s” from the infamous Dell are tying their best to save its life. Even as we speak, I solemnly proclaim the suffering my little slave is going through. my trusty but old faithful Beetle, a 4 year old desktop punctured its last tires and gave up on its rusty bolts on this very day. Amazingly, the much newer Proton Saga, (I don’t say Proton for nothing), also code named Latitude could not go online for the cable slot was broken. And the amazing BMW, oh? did I say IBM? ah..abbreviations. Sad case. Lets not elaborate more on how laptops meet their maker.Okay. Nonsense again. This post shall have no pictures, no nothing interesting. Oh yeah, my already boring blog has just gotten boring-er, as Malaysians would say.

I have a reason. Hear ye saints my explanation. As all students love to do, the lecturer is  first to blame. Me on the other hand would congratulate the lecturer for amazingly showing how dumb a person can get by asking another person to write 5k works by a single sentenced question. Here goes. Why? I tell ya guys why..5000 word essay. Its Thursday. I don,t know how to do it. Computers down. MONDAY DATELINE. Enough said. Okay that wasnt really dramatic but hey, its raw facts k? it doesn’t have to be flowery and dramatic to get my message across right?

If anybody would need a miracle. I would be the joker needing it and BADLY. I just wish i had the power to stop time right now. Oh well, more like three year old child prodigy pinky and the brain kinda thought. Gotta run. I shall be back after a short break from my equally short start.. haha!

Whoever and whatever creature or sapien out there, take care dimana jua anda berada!

C ya bros and sises about.

What’s Your Personality Type?

I saw this survey thingie in Rae’s blog. Dint seem inspiring till I saw how real it described her. And voila.. it describes me as pretty much the way i am..Check it out… Its not bad actually..

Your Personality Is Like Acid

A bit wacky, you’re very difficult to predict. One moment you’re in your own little happy universe… And the next, you’re on a bad trip to your own personal hell!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

Sur vey’s are naturally extremely annoying after some time and we naturally ignore surveys of all kind unless it tells the date we die or something like when we get our first million bucks. Well I must say this survey is worth the try and it gives interesting metaphors like ” The Arrtisstt” … roll your tongue after me babes..